These are hilarious, I thought I would share them. I guess you can actually buy them at cafepress.com/geezershop

Life is easy, it's the freakin' people who make it difficult

In dog years... I'm Dead!

Fishmore & Dolittle, Retirement Planning & Consultants

I always cook with wine. Sometime I even add it to the food.

Young at heart, slightly older in other places.

Geezer: Not young. Not dead. Somewhere in between.

I don't think about dying. It's the last thing I want to do.

I'm speeding because I have to get there before I forget where I'm going.

Don't worry about your health. It'll go away.

I don't exercise! It makes my coffee spill.

Eat Right and Exercise. Die Anyway.

I'm Retired. I was tired yesterday. I'm tired again today.

At MY age... Happy hour is a NAP!

Goodbye Tension, Hello Pension.

Live each day like it's your last. One day, you'll get it right.

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your Nursing Home.

At my age, the only thing that gets hard is my arteries.

I believe in having sex on the first date. At my age, there may not be a second.

I've been diagnosed with C.R.S. "Can't Remember Shit"

The only trouble with retirement... you never get a damn day off!

Senility ain't bad... I wrap my own Christmas presents, I never watch reruns, I can hide my own Easter Eggs and I get to meet new people everyday.

Support Bingo... Keep grandma off the streets.

I just can't get started until I've had a piping hot pot of coffee in the morning.

At my age... "Gettin' Any?" means SLEEP!